Happy Valentine’s day

There are many types of men. There are the “Honorable” men who are protectors that guard your heart, protect your emotion, defend your honor, and stand as champions for your spiritual mental and physical well being. They take a hard way to find and a worn path of emotional scars, broken heart, confusions, anger and sleepless nights.

And thinking back, I have to be ruthlessly honest with myself and admit I met my share of decent and Toxic men. I was lucky that the decent men were more and  the toxic men VERY VERY few. I can’t even call them toxic because deep down they were good persons .Yes ,honorable men still exist trust me  and they have a special place in my heart were I cherich with fond memories  .When I was younger and my friends had a bad relationship I remember they named the man Toxic !!!!  I labeled them differently  selfish, self centered, emotionally unavailable,with past issues, or simply players … Or I just never really cared to label them at all, I just walked away and whatever!

Hitting my 50^th and hearing lots of stories from friends ,I must say  YES there are Toxic men ! C’mon, just think about the word “Toxic.” They seep into the crevices of our lives, not necessarily killing us physically but definitely doing their fair share of emotional damage.

Men, who are always picking on everything you do or say. You know the type; for him nothing you do is good enough. You’re wrong, you’re too mouthy etc. Men who think they know You!!  They have put a big label on you after one date and a night of conversation. Men who think they are better or superior and every minute with his laser, hurtful tongue he shows that he can find better connection.

Not sure if these men realize they are toxic and hurtful…They suddenly change from Mr. wonderful in a blink of an eye to Mr. toxic…You can’t ever be happy around these men, their hurt is like a stinging bee…They hurt you over and over again…But it’s not the mistake of Mr. Toxic…It’s your mistake that allowed this emotional and verbal abuse they use. 

You simply feel stepped on, stepped over and  your self esteem and faith in love just going downhill or no where!
They can make you feel from complete happiness to like losing your mind in a blink of an eye…

Is he a man with a double personality …Hey I’m serious! Who the hell is he exactly?

These Toxic men think they are entitled to know all  about you still they never give you anything back .They simply get furious if anything is demanded from them even small tiny things you request…Are they selfish? Demanding, Ungrateful? Well it’s hard to figure out exactly what they are, but they are simply TOXIC! Men, who make you unhappy with low self esteem. They twist everything you say just to make you feel down, as if he punishes you for having your own mind and thoughts.

It reminds me of the song “killing me softly with his words”. He kills you softly with his calmness and soft words …While he does this, he is completely aware that he makes you freak out and drive you crazy …He can make you reach your peak, act like a fool, angry and simply lost out of words, wondering, confused and beating yourself and asking “why is he so hurtful, what have I done”? 

  This style of men always tend to disappoint you and we women our hopes and dreams are what make us want to wake up in the morning. But Toxic. Men have no clue. Because he cares not. He is completely ignorant to his hurtful ways. He has no empathy, no compassion, for other’s emotions he simply can’t see beyond himself Toxic Men often have a way of twisting things around, and turning issues around, so much so that you start to feel like you are going crazy trying always to explain that it wasn’t what you meant and it’s simply exhausting!!!!! They take their own issues, faults, or flaws, and project them onto you. It is strange how well they can do it.

He ignores you when he wants…He doesn’t ignore you when he doesn’t want..So it’s time to put boundaries and boundaries AREN’T rules…its simple things that make you feel good…

Each one of us have different boundaries that we must honor …The pain you will feel leaving such a toxic man is less than the pain you feel being treated like a doormat when you are around him. 

A boundary is simply to walk away when you don’t feel good.  If each time you get intimate with him you are worried what will happen next day. It simply doesn’t feel good…You are not relaxed and so STOP IT! The BOUNDARY is about not having sex unless you feel secure, relaxed, loved, adored and in a committed relationship. If he considers you a friend, a buddy, a lover, or someone they are dating “casually” until the right one came along! It doesn’t feel good either, so why not walk away and honor your boundaries. If he doesn’t give you time to look deeper inside of you and judge…You don’t need such men .You are who you are and you don’t need someone to judge you or point a finger at you all the time and he simply doesn’t know what to do with you. It’s a time when you have to stop and say “NOMORE it hurts too much,” I’ve reached my limits”!

We are all searching for a man who loves us ,who is compassion, kind and who want to commit and show you his good intentions…Why invest yourself with a man who doesn’t give you as much as he receives? Why invest yourself with a man who criticize you and make you feel off balance and you begin to lose control of your emotion and you mess up …while all what you wish is warmth , affection, someone who calls you, hug you, say thank you and show you how wonderful you are . You can’t go on fooling yourself any longer, and if you don’t break up, you will certainly be on a rocky path if you don’t work on what affects your very foundation. 

Putting energy with such men you will be accused later that you’re are chasing them, harassing them and annoying them. Set your own boundaries the way that make you get back your trust in yourself and simply feel good because we are wonderful. …Life lessons are hard and leave us drained with no enrgy and empty ..

Happy Valentine’s Day to every woman …and I hope if you aren’t with a Toxic Man and if you are, it’s time to move on…  If you are with an Honorable, Decent type who respects you, surprise you with a special gift, a bouquet of flower or showers you with affection. Don’t forget to say thank you and appreciate his wonderful presence in your life, don’t take anything for granted …

Again I have to say that  true love  and good men still exist. It exists as certainly as caring and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.I’m grateful to all the honorable men I met through my life and I have to admit ” I WAS THE ONE TOXIC “!

                                                                     G!han  february 14 ,2010